Does anyone remember Happy Meal toys? It didn't seem that long ago when they were pretty decent action figures and or collectibles. McDonalds and Burger King literally ruled the Happy Meal toy genre with big name tie-ins that spanned everything from Sci-Fi Movies, Cartoons, and Superheroes. For some reason now it seems as if Subway gets all the tie-ins and they really don't have anything more than little messenger bags for kids. Seriously, messenger bags (see image below)? What could possibly be worth than a bag? Well, we took this in a different direction and imagined the worst possible Happy Meal toy you could have gotten, ever. So sit back and imagine, if you will, if the following Happy Meal toy lines existed and this was the worst figure in the lot.


10. Krull - The Beast


The Toy: A big plastic head with on and off glowing eyes.

9. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter - Tommy Jarvis

friday the 13th

The Toy: A toy for the tub, complete with Tommy in his rain coat.

8. Enemy Mine – Fyrine IV Hard-Shelled Creature

enemy mine

The Toy: Complete with a suction cup on its belly.

7. Transformers the Movie (1986) – Dead Optimus Prime


The Toy: A gray Optimus Prime eraser. So eventually he would just turn to dust.

6. Rosemary’s Baby – Minnie Castevet

rosemary's baby

The Toy: Minnie’s Happy Meal toy would emit the smell of Tanis Root.

5. Boxing Helena - Helena

boxing helena

The Toy: Helena would have limbs attached with magnets for easy on and off play.

4. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome – Master Blaster

mad max

The Toy: A tiny Master pops off the back of Blaster.

3. Hellraiser –Bearded Man


The Toy: When you throw him in the fire his body melts away to reveal a demon. Obviously, this is a once and done thing.

2. Bladerunner - Hannibal Chew

blade runner

The Toy: Chew’s Happy Meal toy is a squeezable figure that has eyes which ooze blood when squeezed.

1. Star Trek: The Motion Picture - Ilia

star trek

The Toy: A squeezable Ilia that says “Kirk Unit”.

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