Toys today are safe, cheaply made and lack any use of the imagination. We (well I) grew up in an age of interactive toys, super water guns, giant vehicles, and vast playsets. We even had metal cars that turn into robots. In short, our toys kicked ass. Looking back, we here at AFJ complied our list of the "10 Most Kick-Ass Toys We Had as Kids".
A water gun is essential to every kid growing up. They were usually pretty cheap, never really held enough water or shot all that far. In 1990 things changed when Dr. Lonnie Johnson altered the water gun forever. The Super Soaker quickly became the kick-ass toy everybody had to own. The great thing about the Super Soaker is that you never really outgrew it. Eventually, it found its way into your college dorm room.
Despite being a short-lived series that ran from 1987 to 1988 it produced a kick-ass collection of toys. Mattel created ships that interacted with the special effects on the TV show. You held the ship like a gun and fired at the screen. Either you gained points for your vehicle or you were demolished. These were interactive toys that worked with a science fiction TV show set in post-apocalyptic America. What could be more kick-ass than that?
From the brilliant minds at Entertech came the best way to battle your friends. Gone were the arguments of who shot who with imaginary bullets. Photon delivered the blow with beams of light that could hit chest or helmet sensors. Though “laser tag” arenas are somewhat commonplace today, Photon arrived in the eighties to change the backyard battlefield forever.
Before your first BMX bike, there was your first Big Wheel. If you had the coolest of the coolest Big Wheels you had The Green Machine. The Green Machine kicked so much ass your parents eventually tried to hide it from you. It is easily the greatest three-wheeled vehicle in the history of three-wheeled vehicles.
The Hovercraft Killer W.H.A.L.E. (Warrior: Hovering Assault Launch Envoy) took G.I. Joe everywhere because there was no place it couldn’t go. It was also armed to the teeth and complete with two mini vehicles if stealth for the mission was required. Only one other G.I. Joe vehicle kicked more Cobra ass than the W.H.A.L.E. (see it below).
Prime is the only single action figure on the list. There probably isn’t a single action figure/ character beloved more than Optimus Prime in the history of cartoons and toys. He was the quintessential Transformer, the one you couldn’t live without. As far as kick-ass goes, the Megatron figure couldn’t even stand up on his own. The words “One shall stand and one shall fall” never rang truer.
The rebels never even had a complete base or a headquarters made in the original Kenner Star Wars line. The Empire, on the other hand, had a complete playset with a trash compactor, to crush the heroes, and a giant gun to decimate planets. This toy kicked so much ass that it is still in demand to this day and one of the few toys that Hasbro refuses to reproduce. Kids today just couldn’t handle it.
The Star Wars Universe was a vast place to play in as a kid and the one kick-ass vehicle that took you anywhere was the Falcon. It was more than just a hunk of junk. It was your ride and the one thing that could kick the Empire’s ass from one side of the galaxy to the other.
Imagine you are 3.75-inch Cobra soldier and you stumble upon this thing. Cobra Commander then orders you to attack and without a doubt, you know you are going to get your ass kicked. The Flagg was seven and a half feet long and easily held every G.I. Joe figure you owned plus every jet and helicopter. It was the ultimate in kick-ass vehicles and playsets from the eighties. Yo Joe and hell yes!
1. Nintendo Action Set
So many guys today are gamers because of this kick-ass game console. One minute you’re a plumber battling Bowser the next you are a ninja looking for your father. Perhaps your adventures took you Castlevania, the Death Star, Gotham City or maybe you just like to shoot ducks. There was no limit to where this 8-bit video game console could take you. Sure our game systems now are far superior but this was the first one to kick ass. Don't believe me? Then why did this system, shy of the "Zapper", return?