BLACK FRIDAY TIME TRAVELER!
Written by: Robert T. Trate
Every year there is that must have toy. Whether it is a Furby, an Elmo or Turbo-Man parents will go to any length for that special moment this holiday season. We here at Action Figure Junkies decided to raise the bar on how far we would go to get our all important holiday gifts. How you ask? Well, we have decided to travel through time and get those great gifts of the past and future. So jump in our time machine and travel with us to yesterday and tomorrow as we fill our shopping bag.
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: Christmas of 1977
All right, we all have our Star Wars action figures. Yet, how many of us actually kept the Star Wars Early Bird Special box and certificate? Of course we didn’t. We sent in that coupon so we could get our figures as soon as possible. This was our first step to building the collection. As Toy Maniacs we would go back and get these in pristine condition.
9. THE ALIEN (ALIEN, 1979)
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 1979
There have been so many Alien figures since then you would think that this one would be considered obsolete. This is not only the first but the best. This figure has been cursed to dusty flea markets and evil toy dealer’s shelves for decades. Imagine popping into a department store in 1979 and grabbing a dozen or so of these bad boys. This is a perfect gift for all of your geek friends.
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: March 24, 1983
Plenty of us have gotten the Red Ryder BB Gun since watching this holiday classic. If you are like us you have noticed that there was no compass on our modern gun or this thing that tells time. We propose to go back in time to the filming of A Christmas Story and on the last day steal the Red Ryder Prop. A quick jaunt in and out and we’ll have the gun that families watch year after year on TV. Yes for this one we would be a tad more selfish about who got it, namely us.
7. GODZILLA (GODZILLA, 1977)
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 1977
This is another toy that sadly has been cursed like the Alien figure from 1979. We all want one but can never find that one that has survived the ravages of time. A mom and pop toy story will probably have one or two of these sitting on the shelf. Imagine a complete Shogun Warrior Godzilla, mint in the box and ready to be proudly displayed.
6. THE U.S.S. FLAGG (G.I. JOE: THE MOVIE, 1987)
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 1985
It was the biggest G.I. Joe toy ever created and a true gem of your collection. Do you still have it? No. It was incredibly difficult to store and when displayed it took up a lot of space. This toy reluctantly went on eBay and you have regretted selling it ever since. You could go back to 1985 and get a new one. We suggest you go back in time and talk yourself out of selling your own. Just don’t touch or see your younger self. You don’t want to mess with the whole space-time continuum.
5. A SQUID (STRANGE DAYS, 1995)
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: (alternate 1999)
No, not the actual deep sea creature or the device from the Watchmen movie. I’m talking about a superconducting quantum interference device. The 'SQUID' deals with recording: experiences directly from the cerebral cortex which when played back through a MiniDisc-like device allow a user to experience all recorded sensory inputs as if actually doing it themselves. If you are still lost watch Kathryn Bigelow’s Strange Days and you’ll completely understand. This would require us to travel to alternate 1999 from the one we actually had but thankfully our time machine does that.
4. PHASED PLASMA RIFLE (THE TERMINATOR, 1984)
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 2030
It’s true that a Terminator would be much cooler to steal from the future. The problem is you have to reprogram it and that is a whole other ball of wax. We’re going to go with what is hopefully a quick and easy grab in that war-torn future of 2030. These are probably lying all over the place so we’ll take the Phased Plasma Rifle. So when 2030 does roll around we’ll be ready to rock.
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 2020
In the not too distant future scientists will have genetically created the Mogwai. Cute, sweet, and musically talented these creatures will make great gifts. We can only hope that they will have worked out all the kinks from their genetic makeup. We’ll grab one anyway and make sure that Corey Feldman and a glass of water never even get close to our lovable new pet.
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 2015 (alternate)
Despite the rumor that in 1989 they were actually real we believe that another time traveler must have brought one back. Thankfully, with our time machine, we can travel four years into the future and obtain the coolest skateboard ever. While we are there we’ll grab a couple pairs of those Nikes too. Who wouldn’t want these?
TIME TRAVEL DESTINATION: 2485
The thought of obtaining a tiny little robot butler was our original intent. Then it hit us, do we really want a robot that looks like a penis? No thank you. If we are going to 2485 why not bring back the hottest Colonel in the Alliance to satisfy all our holiday needs. Col. Deering, we would cross oceans of time to for you!
Robert Trate knows that removing these items from the space-time continuum would create a paradox. Relax, Robert has no such plans to steal these items throughout time. Instead he plans on battling Morlocks and living out his fantasies with the beautiful Weena. Follow Robert on Twitter @TheMovieLord.