Written by Gordon Holmes
Wrestling is a weird business. It’s a make-believe athletic-themed soap opera where rapping clowns, NFL Hall of Famers, and freakin’ Maria Menounos can show up and compete. Where a former WCW World Tag Team Champion can get into a shouting match with Chucky the Doll from “Child’s Play.” Where Deputy Dewey from “Scream” can win the sport’s top prize.
Since Vince McMahon pumped the first Wrestlemania with celebrities, the business has never seen a chance for cross-promotion that it didn’t jump on. And every now and then, these opportunities show up in figure form...
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Ninja Superstars
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been making some bizarre choices lately. They’re suiting up like Ghostbusters. They’re fighting DC stars like Poison Ivy and Swamp Thing in “Injustice 2.” And now, they’re cosplaying as their favorite WWE Superstars. Maybe it’s a phase…teenagers go through a lot of phases.
2. WCW Power Slam: Dennis Rodman
What? You didn’t know that the former Chicago Bull and future Secretary of State had a WCW action figure? He was one of the 47 members of the nWo and he did wrestle on a few WCW Pay Per Views, so it totally makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is how we ended up with this figure but never got one of Jay Leno.
3. Kofi Kingston: WWE Series 27
Kofi’s love of nerd culture definitely started long before his New Day faction marched to the ring wearing Dragonball Z-inspired costumes at Wrestlemania 32. Back in his singles days, the then Jamaican would rock attire featuring tributes to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, the Riddler, the Joker, and others. While a few of these looks made it to figure form, we’re highlighting his Skeletor attire because…well…Skeletor is awesome.
4. Triple H: Elite Series 42
Speaking of Masters of the Universe…Triple H has been attempting to emulate a Frank Frazetta-esque Conan motif for years. At Wrestlemania 21 his entrance began with him on a giant throne, he marched through a skull castle at Wrestlemania 29, and he was accompanied by a trio of harem girls at Wrestlemania 30. (Fun Fact: The harem girls were portrayed by Sasha Banks, Charlotte Flair, and Alexa Bliss.) So, why did he make the switch to Terminator gear at Wrestlemania 31? To promote “Terminator Genisys.” That’s it.
5. Alexa Bliss: Elite Series 53
Hey, speaking of Alexa Bliss (this is coming together nicely) the “Goddess of WWE” has also participated in the time-honored wrestling tradition of swiping gimmicks from popular movies. Whether it’s Sting dressing like the Crow, Scott Hall stealing lines from “Scarface,” or Kane imitating Michael Myers’ mannerisms, it’s been going on forever. So, when Alexa Bliss debuted this Harley Quinn-inspired look, it wasn’t thievery, it was a time-honored tradition.
6. G.I. Joe: Sgt. Slaughter
Of all the wrestlers who are on this list, only one of them has led a “daring, highly-trained, special mission force.” Whether or not that designation was stripped when he turned his back on the U.S. and sided with Saddam Hussein during the 1991 Gulf War was never made clear. But, of all the toys on this list, this is probably the one you saw coming.
7. G.I. Joe: Rowdy Roddy Piper
But…did you see this one coming?! Not one to ever let the Joes get the best of them, Cobra recruited their own wrestler to even the score. While Roddy’s role of being the “Iron Grenadier Trainer” must have come in handy, it’s unknown how useful his secondary skill of playing the bagpipes was during battle.
8. The Simpsons: Bret Hart
I’ll never quite understand why Bret Hart got the nod to have a cameo on “The Simpsons.” I mean, I get that 95% of the world’s celebrities have paid a visit to Springfield, but why is Bret Hart the lone wrestling representative? Were Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ric Flair and other bigger names busy? At any rate, I hope he was able to get the “old man stink” out of Mr. Burns’ mansion.
9. Rey Mysterio: Best of WCW
Rey Mysterio has been paying tribute to his favorite comic book heroes since the dawn of his U.S. career. In fact, in his very first ECW match, his tights featured a nod to Superman. Over the years, a few of his tributes made their way into figure lines; his Flash attire from Wrestlemania 20, his Silver Surfer look from Summerslam 2007, but none of them can hold a candle to his full-body “Slam Evil!” Phantom gear from Halloween Havoc 97.
John Cena and Scooby Doo: “Scooby Doo Wrestlemania Mystery”
The tag team of John Cena and Scooby Doo should have been doomed from the start. Cena’s “Never Give Up” catchphrase is literally the opposite of everything Scooby Doo believes in. The great dane constantly gives up. Anywho, sometimes it’s the differences that our protagonists possess that make them such interesting partners. Such was the case when the duo teamed up to stop a ghost bear from stealing the WWE title.
Gordon Holmes is the Managing Producer of Blah Blah Blah at a big company. He always appreciates the opportunity to write about something that isn’t “Survivor.” You can find all of his “Survivor” Blah Blah Blah on Twitter using @gordonholmes.